Relationships are all about control when there’s a power imbalance, when there’s a dominating partner, a submissive partner or even both.
When it’s in balance, a relationship is unencumbered to be about those in it. That’s when each partner behaves, for the most part, as he/she would when alone with respect to tastes, habits, mannerisms, views of the world, moods and attitudes toward responsibility, etc.
A relationship is balanced when partners accept each other as they are, naturally. And this, in turn, is when you know you’ve identified someone good for you.
If your relationship needs more balance, you can prod it in that direction by making a conscious decision to be more tolerant of your partner, and yourself, as-is. Then watch the interaction change.