When it’s in balance, a relationship is unencumbered to be about those in it. That’s when each partner behaves, for the most part, as he/she would when alone with respect to tastes, habits, mannerisms, views of the world, moods and attitudes toward responsibility, etc.

A relationship is balanced when partners accept each other as they are, naturally. And this, in turn, is when you know you’ve identified someone good for you.

If your relationship needs more balance, you can prod it in that direction by making a conscious decision to be more tolerant of your partner, and yourself, as-is. Then watch the interaction change.

How do I continue to pursue a relationship with my significant other while at the same time retain my independence?

My answer is always the same:

You’re asking the wrong question! Why? In relationships, we either trade up or we trade down.

A better question to ask would be: What criteria should I establish for choosing my partner?

Those that choose partners consistent with the values and attributes most important to them in a mate will want their new, enriched life more than they want their old one, so retaining independence becomes irrelevant. It’s trading up, out with the old life in favor of a new, more fulfilling one. No sacrifice required. On the other hand, those that sense that they are trading down to be with someone means they haven’t yet found the right someone. In this instance, independence should be the only thing they’re pursuing.